Update: life without a helper, et al

Posted by spots (Singapore, Singapore) on 7 May 2009 in People & Portrait and Portfolio.

The month of April was unique for the Lau Family--we gave our helper 5 weeks of home leave to return to the Philippines, leaving Husband & I to take care of the children. Why were we so generous? 2 weeks is the standard. But Julie had asked for more time and we like her, so we agreed, without much hesitation. I was also kind of looking forward to the opportunity to see if I could cope by myself. All alone. With no help.

It would be challenging, I told myself. And indeed it was. Because not only did I have to take care of my kids 24/7, like a stay at home mom. I STILL HAD TO WORK part time! So what was it like? Being a part time worker and a stay at home mom?

In a couple of words: tiring. but worth it.

Weeks 1 and 2 were really hard. I was still adapting to dropping them off at school at 8.30, getting to the office by 9, rushing out of office by 12 and driving back to pick kids up by 12.30/1, bathing them, giving them milk, reading to them, putting them to bed, and then... while they slept, I had to continue to work from home till they woke at 4pm. Then, I had to plan activities for them whilst figuring out how to feed them by 6pm, then bathe, milk, TV time, story time and sleep at 8.30pm.

It was also hard not being able to enjoy evening outings with Husband, like movies or simple jogs. We could not leave the house at night for 5 weeks. Let's just say---we watched a lot of DVDs :)

Work also did not make things easier. One of my projects was coming to a hilt and chose Week 1 to "blow up". In those 2 weeks, my kids were left stranded at school several times--I was supposed to pick them up by 12.30pm, but sometimes, didn't come till 1.10pm!

Cooking dinner was made easier by the fact that I had asked Julie to freeze some of our favourite dishes in the freezer. Overall, I would cook fresh food twice a week, defrost stuff twice a week, eat out twice a week and buy zi char from the nearby food court once a week. I actually abhor oily zi char and feel eating out too often is bad for health. But it was a necessary compromise.

And of course, having the help of in laws and my mom/dad definitely helped too! The small acts of kindness--like my mom carting her homemade tau yew bak all the way from Clementi to our house, by bus no less, brought not just healthy dinner options for the night, but a spirit of warmth and love into our hearts. It also helped that Dan and Ben always looked forward to outings with Gong Gong and Po Po. I couldn't wait to get them out of the house--mostly so that I could catch up on all the work/deadlines I had been missing. Not to skyve, mind you.

By Week 3, something different happened. I suddenly began to develop a more stable approach to coping. And you know what? I actually began enjoying the kids more--because I was doing everything for them. Absolutely everything. It's funny, but the more you are there for your kids, the more you love them. This I have found to be absolutely true. Though you have to get over the exhaustion first.

By Week 5 (last week), I was thinking I will need to adapt to having help ! Haha. Thankfully now Julie is back. But actually, I am really grateful for the opportunity to do everything for my kids--even all the routine, mundane stuff, like prepare their milk and cook their breakfast.

Some milestones this month:
--Ben is fully potty trained! Much much faster than Dan, who I recall got it pat down only at 2yrs 8 months! Part of it was I started putting in the effort with Ben earlier. :)

--Dan has really turned a corner in terms of obedience. He is much more able to reason & be logical, knowing the full impact of the idea of consequence. He is also more patient and loving these days. Hopefully that'll last!